


the updated 'park jihoon no-no list'

by shakeit_dontbreakit



Series: the sexy bandits [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2park, Alcohol, Drugs, M/M, One Year Later, Swearing, brief sexy mention, hell yes edm concert, i love guanlin dont worry thats why i made him a savant, ot11 baby, they have all become friends, wanna one goes to a druggie music festival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-04 06:34:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakeit_dontbreakit/pseuds/shakeit_dontbreakit
Summary: Don't shit talk any animal, plant, or fungiDon't bring up Kilitum, everDon’t underestimate his need to be aloneDon't interrupt book learningDon’t tickle his feetDon’t kill Lai GuanlinDon't surprise judo flip him(leveled up!)Don't let him get away with his bsDon't let him get awayEver





	1. i know you know

**Author's Note:**

> oh man they fucking barely touch each other in part 1 and lemme say that is not the case one year later get itt 
> 
> naughty behavior and touching and drugs and shit, you know, adult things for adults  
> what have i done

They arrive right on the final edge of twilight. Woojin tears his eyes away from the silhouettes of tall birch and scraggly spruce as Jisung turns his car slowly into an unmarked forest road. The sky has drifted from warm pinks and yellows into a fleeting teal, and a small bite of night chill brings some rose to Jihoon’s cheeks. Woojin thinks it’s very good lighting for him, deep and warm.

They’re sharing a crowded backseat, smushed together by an oversized cooler, sleeping bags, and three 24 packs of cheap beer. Woojin and Jihoon are actually sharing one seat, shoved up against the door. Don’t get Woojin wrong, he _relishes_ opportunities to touch all up on his boyfriend, but they’ve been in Jisung’s cramped Jeep for an hour and a half now and he kind of feels like he’s about to explode. Yoomi is having the worst of it, curled up in the back somewhere, whining occasionally.

“Hey, you’re okay.” Woojin reaches behind and awkwardly manages to pat his dog on the nose. He directs his gaze down to Jihoon, _“_ _You_ okay, though?”

Jihoon _—_ bless him _—_ is pulling his weight when it comes to the ‘ _find some more space somehow’_ situation. He’s lying on his back on Woojin’s thighs perpendicularly, with his knees hooked over the open window ledge and his legs sticking out into the night air. Woojin, seated in the traditional, _legal_ fashion, has more or less been hugging Jihoon bridal-style for the last thirty minutes. He wonders if Jihoon’s feet are cold.

“My feet are getting cold.” Jihoon mutters, huffing. Well, there it is. Woojin reaches his hand out the window and wraps his fingers around one of Jihoon’s ankles, tickling the bottom of his foot with his forefinger. Jihoon kicks out violently, “Don’t tickle my feet you little monster!”   

“We’re almost there, hold on.” Minhyun mutters from the front shotgun seat, making eye contact with Woojin in the rear-view mirror.

Jihoon doesn’t listen to him and instead starts retracting his legs into the car with a quick, “ _uh, nope.”_ An elbow or two dig hard into Woojin’s side but after a few seconds of very nimble and baffling maneuvers, Jihoon manages to take a seat on the cooler and stick his head and torso out of the car sunroof. Well shit, he probably should have thought of that before Woojin’s legs fell asleep. What a cute jerk.

“Oh my god, Woojinie, if he gets decapitated…” Jisung growls, tightening his hands on the steering wheel.

“He’s not going to be decapitated.” Minhyun says sweetly. He shoots a thin, closed-eyed smile at Woojin, slowly displaying the joint he just rolled. “But this should calm him down a bit. Woojin-ah, would you?”

Snatching the joint with a little grin, Woojin pokes at Jihoon’s side from below, nudging him over so he too can pop his body out the sunroof. It’s a tight fit, but it’s still more space than they had before. Woojin takes a deep breath.

It smells like spruce, campfire, and weed, a lot of weed. They can hear the thud of a deep bassline and see dazzling glimpses of campfires through the trees further down the bumpy road. Woojin feels very alive as the wind tugs at his hair and even more alive when Jihoon wraps an arm around his waist.

_YES._

They’ve been dating for more than a year now and Woojin still loses his mind a bit whenever Jihoon initiates skinship. He knows Jihoon needs his space so Woojin is happily caught off guard whenever he wants to share that space with _him._ Jihoon smells like citrus and sweat, and Woojin can’t help but steal a quick, wet kiss.

“They’re both going to lose heads now.” Jisung grumbles without malice.

“Don’t be such a spoilsport, hyung.” Minhyun coos.

“You’re so _—_ ” Woojin interrupts Jihoon’s comment by slipping the joint between his boyfriend's lips. Snaking his hand down into his pocket and taking out a mini bic lighter, Woojin flicks it to life and cups his hand around the flame to keep it from going out. Both Jihoon and Woojin lean into each other to light the joint but the wind outside of the car is hindering them, especially when Jisung accelerates slightly over the bumpy road out of loving spite.

Eventually they manage to light it and Jihoon takes a drag before holding the joint to Woojin’s lips for him. Woojin takes a slightly larger hit before kissing Jihoon again, breathing more of the smoke into his mouth. After their shotgun kiss Jihoon shoves him away before coughing like the lightweight he is. That’s probably enough for now, and Woojin hands the joint back down to Minhyun who gratefully receives it.

It’s Jihoon’s first music festival and they’ve decided to fucking go for gold. Step one: send Daniel, Seongwoo and Jaehwan into the festival space early this afternoon to scout out a great campsite. Step two: organize carpools and team responsibilities, like _buy a lot of snacks_  and  _don't forget firewood_. Step three: get fucking wrecked.

About an hour ago Jihoon received a snap from Daehwi, 15 seconds of him cackling while Jinyoung and Guanlin struggle to set up a tent together under Sungwoon’s questionable direction. Everyone is in place except team Ememoh _—_ responsible for beer, weed, and the dog _—_ still bouncing along a now perfectly dark dirt road.

“Remember what we discussed?” Jihoon asks lightly, his harmless tone concealing how important it is to have this conversation. Of course Woojin remembers, he's no fool. It’s too dark for them to see each other, so Woojin wraps an arm around his shoulders to convey some silent affirmation. _Yes, I’ll behave._

“Words please.” Jihoon laughs, burrowing a little under Woojin’s arm.

“Don’t kill Lai Guanlin.”

“Again.”

“Don’t kill Lai Guanlin.”

Jihoon hums deeply. “If Lai Guanlin flirts with me, what will you do?”

“Let you handle it.” Woojin responds, a little dejectedly. “But, okay… let’s say the kid gets just _too_ intimate and _—_ ”

“—then I’ll be the one breaking his skull, m’kay?”

Lai Guanlin, tall, handsome, two grades ahead of his age and already holding a bachelor’s degree in linguistics. He’s a total klutz in a cute, sometimes painful way, and Woojin can judo flip him like he was made of paper mache. Lai Guanlin, charming, alarming, and pretty much totally in love with his baby barthief.

“Wow, so violent.” Woojin teases, tugging Jihoon closer to him in the dark. By sheer luck he finds Jihoon’s ear and breathes, “I would _love_ to see you fight him.”

All of the sudden there’s a warning shout from Jisung and then the car shoots over a _huge_ pothole. Jihoon and Woojin bounce jarringly, bumping heads and holding on to each other for their physical safety now. Fuck Jisung, that was _definitely_ on purpose. That’s probably what Woojin gets for so obviously smushing face with his precious baby cousin.

Eventually they emerge from the forest road and reach the main camping/depravity field and Jisung brings the car to a slow stop. “Hooooo. Okay, where… Minhyun-ah call someone.”

They start driving again when Minhyun gets a hold of Jaehwan, but the movement is as slow as a parade float. There are campfires scattered everywhere and Woojin can finally see Jihoon again in the glow they give off. He’s staring out at all the tents and revelers with awe, sparkling eyes taking in the rambling debauch that is a mid-sized EDM festival.

This is going to be  _trouble._

Jihoon, with his bright colors and pouty lips, constantly looks delicious and inviting. This effect is compounded when he's in a brave and bubbly head space. Woojin is sure as shit going to have to play guard dog a bit (constantly). Protect Jihoon from people, and actually protect other people from Jihoon as well. Woojin will be the first to admit that Party Mode Jihoon is a fucking riot, but he's both distractedly impressive and scarily impressionable at the same time. All in all, dangerous. The car rolls along and strangers wave at them, no doubt caught in the joyous haze of some mood-altering stimulant. They’re not going _that_ hard (this time). Jihoon waves right back because he’s cute like that and he always gets superficially friendly when he’s high. He's just very appealing, fuck. Woojin demands his attention again.

“Hey,” He mutters, and Jihoon looks at him, omitting actual words and using his eyebrows to convey his question.

“I’m going to need your tongue for a second.” Woojin smirks, pulling him in by the strings of his hoodie.

Jihoon manages to condense an entire _year’s_ worth of blushing into one embarrassed laugh. He nods, and Woojin manages to swoop in with an open-mouthed kiss before Jihoon can close his lips. As though literally granting his request, Jihoon slides his tongue into Woojin’s mouth with a little hum of laughter. The humor fades very quickly into a sloppy, eager makeout.

When they reach camp their chances to be all over each other will be largely nil, sharing a campsite with 9 other people and all. Woojin _needs_ this. A very drunk festival attendee nudges his companion and they both wolf whistle at the sexy bandits _,_ and unfortunately that seems to be the last straw for poor Jihoon. He has to take a deep, flustered breath and pushes Woojin away to fan his face. _Nailed it_.

Minhyun is very patiently on the phone with Jaehwan, who is attempting to give them directions but keeps getting distracted by the ongoing shenanigans at basecamp. Eventually the line rustles a bit and Daehwi takes over with a huff.  Under Daehwi’s navigation it only takes five more minutes to find their circle, and Woojin manages to steal one final surprise kiss before they get too close.

The squad has set up shop in an impressively large clearing hugged on three sides by birch and white pine trees. Woojin whistles, very impressed with their destination, “Looks like you found some _prime_ real estate, Niel-hyung.”

Daniel looks up from tossing another log on the fire. “They finally roll in.”

A healthy fire burns in the very center of the clearing surrounded by a ring of rocks. There are camping chairs and stump-stools scattered around, there’s even a rope hammock tied between two of the nearest trees that Seongwoo is currently struggling in. Sitting in a chair, Jinyoung is burritoed up in a blanket but looks up from the fire to greet them. Daehwi cheers brightly, walking closer to the moving car, with Sungwoon trudging along, downing a beer as he walks.  

“Jihoon-hyung!” Guanlin cries, tripping out of a tent and almost careening into the fire. Daniel catches him nonchalantly, as if this has happened often enough to be normal.

Despite wanting to flip him into nonexistence for looking at his boyfriend like _that,_ Woojin realizes he’ll probably have to save Guanlin from faceplanting into the flames at least a few times over the next two days. Finally (and least surprisingly) he sees Jaehwan rummaging round in a cooler, straightening up as he emerges with a bottle of gin and a Cheshire grin.

Woojin sighs and Jihoon is just a cheeky little sweetheart who just laughs at him.

“Say it again.”

“Don’t. Kill. Lai Guanlin.”

Jihoon kisses him on the cheek before lifting himself up out of the sunroof and twisting cutely before heaving himself off the roof of the car and hitting the ground with a small, _“oof.”_ He is unmistakably more coordinated than Guanlin and Woojin grins proudly to himself.

Lowering himself down into the now parked car, Woojin turns and fastens a leash to Yoomi’s collar. “A leash for now, but once we’re calm I’ll let you roam, okay girl?”

Jihoon’s love of animals and tendency to talk to them has rubbed off on Woojin over the last year. He’s not even embarrassed by it anymore. “Okay, here we go, one sec.”

Woojin bursts out of his door and strolls around to the rear of the car, where Jihoon is already opening the back hatch. Immediately Yoomi flies out but Woojin catches the leash and starts to pull the excited husky away from the overloaded car.

“You should give her a quick walk, get the jitters out.” Jihoon suggests, rubbing behind her perked ears with a little smile. Yoomi _adores_ Jihoon, it’s the sweetest thing. When they both return to Woojin’s apartment at the same time the husky actually greets the Snake Boy first. He's not even mad—Woojin can’t really fault her taste in men.

He opens his mouth to say they should walk her together but Jihoon holds a finger up. “Yoomi isn’t the only one who needs to stretch some legs. Go breathe some air and think some thoughts and hey, I might have our tent up by the time you two get back.”

 _Our tent._ Woojin rolls the words in his mind, savoring them.

“It’s dangerous to go alone, take this.” Jihoon hands him a lukewarm beer and nudges him along.

After a wave and a quick explanation to the others about giving Yoomi a walk, Woojin departs with a little suspicious glance at Guanlin. Of course Jihoon can handle himself, but his capability doesn’t really have any bearing on the intensity of Woojin’s protective instinct.

As Woojin opens his beer, he smiles down at his _—_ their? _—_ dog. “Do you think it’s breaking the rules for _you_ to kill Guanlin?”

He and Jihoon _know_ each other by now. Woojin can decipher Jihoon’s anxiety based on his body language, predicting and preventing his panic. In return, Jihoon can anticipate when Woojin’s jealousy will get the better of him _—_ before even _he_ does _—_ and uses words like _us_ and _our_ as a firm but gentle reminder that they belong together. It’s been a year, they have experience dealing with the bad times, with the darker parts of each other.

Woojin doesn’t have to explain his feelings perfectly because Jihoon can. Flipping that coin, Jihoon doesn’t have to ask to be touched because Woojin knows when and how. They’re an odd couple, there’s no doubt about it. Jihoon is cerebral where Woojin is physical, but they’ve spent a whole year translating their languages for the other.

After a quick ten minutes Woojin has finished his beer and walks back to the camp. Yoomi can be wild or mild depending on her surroundings, and Jihoon was right _—_ as usual _—_ she needed the walk as much as Woojin did. Successfully de-jittered, the husky lopes calmly and gracefully at his side, no leash. With a whistle on his lips and a bounce in his step, Woojin returns to the edge of their camp.

Fucking perfect, just in time to see Guanlin approach Jihoon with a handle of what looks like dark rum. As promised, Jihoon is setting up their small tent _,_ a little removed from the others— _good choice—_ and Guanlin calls out to him before curling a long arm around his shoulders.

Jihoon is fond of Guanlin, that much is certain. Woojin isn’t about to dictate who he can and can’t be friends with, and to be honest sometimes Woojin also enjoys his time with the skinny boy. He and Jihoon shared an Ecology class last semester, pretty much sealing the deal on Guanlin’s crush. Jihoon would never do anything to truly hurt the kid, despite his skull-cracking comment before.

But apparently he’s down to do _this:_

Quick as mercury, Jihoon snatches Guanlin’s offending wrist and twists it away, up, and around his head, eventually ducking his body under their arms and spinning out of Guanlin’s hold. It’s basically the barrel roll turnout in swing dancing but with a _don’t fucking touch me_ bite. Woojin is about to _explode._

He taught his boyfriend that move.

“AH, hyung, what was that?” Guanlin asks, rubbing his wrist in awe. He’s not hurt but he’s playing up the puppy eyes and for a single chilling moment Woojin thinks Jihoon is going to apologize and rush back to him, but _nope_. He has the best boyfriend on the fucking planet.

Jihoon doesn’t apologize to his junior, he doesn’t even look _sorry_. His words are quiet so the others don’t hear, but firm enough to carry some weight. “Please don’t do that. You’ve known me a while, you should know by now I don’t really like to be touched.”

_Except by me, take that you stupid genius._

“I’m not mad,” Jihoon assuages. It’s not a retreat, it’s more because Guanlin is drunk and might actually start crying. “I’m not, just please respect my boundaries.”

At first Woojin had every intention of siccing his dog on the youngest but he disengaged as soon as Jihoon proved _—_ quite foxily _—_ that he can, in fact, handle himself. Not like Woojin didn’t _know_ that, but it’s still equal parts astonishing and hilarious to see it unfold so soon, so smoothly. By now he’s hiding behind a car, watching this play out with a great deal of pride and zero dignity.

“I… sorry hyung. I just haven’t seen you in awhile so… rum?” Guanlin offers the bottle and Jihoon shakes his head with a small smile.

“Let me set this tent up before shitfacing into next century, okay? Go play with the others. Shoo!” Jihoon lightens the mood but still waves him off. Eventually Guanlin drags himself away and Jihoon shakes his head with a sigh.

After a long beat he calls, “I _know_ you saw that.”

 _Fucking how did he know._ “I know you know.” It’s a lie _and Jihoon probably knows that too_ but whatever. Woojin emerges from hiding with a shitty little grin and swaggers to his side. “Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t resist, kind of like _right now—_ ”

There’s something of a rule between them. Don’t judo flip Jihoon. Only recently has that rule been amended to don’t _surprise_ judo flip him.

So, intentions completely apparent, Woojin easily picks Jihoon up and just slings him over his shoulder before starting to spin them in a loose circle. “You are _everything_ , you know that?”

Shrieking and giggling, Jihoon struggles a bit before going more or less limp. “I can handle myself, thank you very much."

"But I _love_ handling you."


	2. style over slaughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoomi adores her owner(s) and is fully aware that they're in this for the long haul. She loves the love, but boy can it get annoying sometimes. Still, she couldn't ask for a better pair of humans to be around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess i like setting scenes and then never getting to the event
> 
> SHOCKER! it happened again

It’s not that Jihoon doesn’t like to be picked up (because he _does_ , it’s a secret only Woojin knows) but sometimes it’s a bit alarming, the fact that such a physical feat is so easy for him. The two of them don’t differ much in height and weight, but Park Woojin can still launch Jihoon like a shot put. There’s actual evidence: Jinyoung managed to take a video of Woojin grabbing Jihoon by the waist and heaving him upwards before physically throwing him off the end of a dock into a lake. Sungwoon actually turned it into a gif and it circulates in their social circle whenever people need a laugh or desire to knock Jihoon down a peg or three.

The point here is that Woojin is fully capable of manhandling most people at any moment of any day but he _doesn’t,_ because there's no reason to. Woojin trusts his strength and has a true understanding of what he’s capable of but Jihoon has never actually seen him use more than 70, maybe 75 percent of his raw power. A year of dating and Jihoon knows he hasn’t actually seen Woojin at his strongest. It's terrifying and also stupidly attractive. Woojin's natural restraint speaks to a different sort of confidence, something deep and fundamental that courses through his blood, nerves, brain waves, what have you.  

Woojin is _strong_.

Jihoon is strong too, sort of. Sure, his talents may lie with animals and words but he’s not made of glass. He knows himself to be quite tough _—_ he’s the spider killer of this relationship for fuck’s sake. Hell, the two most physically formidable people present become actual children when faced with insect life. Bees for Woojin and _everything_ for Daniel. 

Without a doubt Jihoon believes that he’s strong enough to be hurt, but he doesn't like to show his sincere vulnerability and doesn't like playing defense unless he has to. If given an opportunity to go on the offensive he knows that if he possessed his boyfriend’s raw strength he wouldn’t use it for good. He probably wouldn’t even use it for neutral, as Woojin does.

This is not to say that Woojin is a better person than Jihoon (he _is,_ but the baby bartender will vehemently disagree if asked) it’s that Woojin simply doesn’t need bluster. He likes challenging people to improve his own strength and never seeks a challenge based on how easy it would be for him to win. Woojin likes a fair fight. And then there's Jihoon. Despite his rampant introversion, he always intends to win, or at the very least put up a hell of a fight. He’s always been a bit of a hothead and somehow actively picks fights regardless of if he will come out on top or not.

“You’re _super_ embarrassing, you know that right?” Jihoon mumbles, blushing and slapping Woojin lightly on the back

“Why do you think I’m only doing this where no one can see?” Woojin counters, smacking Jihoon on the ass with a little laugh.

Here Jihoon is, hanging on Woojin’s shoulder like a goddamn sack, falling just a little tiny itty bitty bit more in love with him. Whatever.

“You better put me down before I barrel roll out again…” Jihoon threatens meekly. And yeah, sure, he can’t actually do anything about this and Woojin knows Jihoon can’t actually do anything about this but he puts him down as requested. Jihoon tries to get his bearings but before he can, Woojin anchors him with a deep kiss. So _that’s_ where his bearings are.

“I thought I taught that more… judo-y.” Woojin recalls after he draws away, grabbing Jihoon’s hand and starting to tug him towards the rest of their friends. “You somehow smoothed it into dance move.”

“Oh, you know, style over slaughter.” Jihoon chirps, miming a stabbing knife. “Guanlinnie is too harmless to maim.”

“Are you okay?”

Ahh, Woojin’s perception at work. It’s not an _I just spun you around like a top are you okay,_ or a _first music festival ever let’s rock also are you okay._ It’s an extremely rare _you just rejected your friend (my frenemy) and I need to know you’re okay._

Jihoon doesn’t actually know. Telling off Guanlin like that had been _terrifying_ , and he’s surprised (and a little proud) that he pulled it off. Well, actually, if Woojin’s utter enthusiasm is anything to show for it, he may have knocked it out of the park. “I think it’s more important that _he’s_ okay. It all kind of comes down to that.”

Woojin gives him a blank glare, tugging back on Jihoon’s hand to stop him from moving further. “Not to me. What the fuck does that even mean?”

Heh? Jihoon wasn’t expecting this much resistance from him here. “He’s the most hurt by this...? Yeah, I mean… Guanlin would be the one with the deeper wound. I like him as a person, I care about his feelings and don’t want to see him hurt. But I love you with _everything I am._ Period.”

Last semester in Jihoon’s Ecology 254 lecture a lanky, high school aged beanpole of a boy took the seat directly next Jihoon. As someone who strategically picks spots so that any stranger would always have an easier time sitting next to or bothering someone else, this was rather shocking to him. At the time he liked having at least one empty seat to separate himself from other people in lecture _—_ it worked to raise the difficulty level of approaching him.

Lai Guanlin took a spot right next to him, stubbornly put up with his no-nonsense educational priorities, and then never really left his side. Underneath the tricks and prickliness Jihoon has an embarrassingly bleeding heart. It’s the very reason he has to keep people at arm’s length _—_ to misdirect from the sensitivities he hates within himself. But Guanlin snuck into his heart and the way he did it was technically one of the only ways that people can quickly get close to him: he paid attention in class, asked Jihoon intelligent questions about the subject matter, and always had snacks to share. It’s a rather simple recipe for success.

Jihoon knows this is part of why Woojin can’t seem to ever like Guanlin more than just accidentally. Of all the elements that make up Jihoon’s world, the only one Woojin doesn’t share with him is academia. That happens to be the place Guanlin exists in Jihoon’s heart. 

His feelings for Guanlin are platonic, familial even. And yes, maybe he should have done a better job clearing up the nature of their relationship from the start, but Jihoon has never been good enough at socializing to know how to strategize and balance interactions with the people in his life. He might be bad at this, but seriously, by now it seems like Guanlin either misreads his affection or reads it perfectly but still persists in his quest for Jihoon’s complicated little heart.

“I… s-sorry. I know that _—_ I _do_ know.” Woojin stammers, squeezing his hand.

“How about an _‘I love you too’?”_   Jihoon imitates his boyfriend with a laugh before pulling him along towards their fire and friends.

“Well yeah.”

Jihoon barks in laughter before dropping his hand Woojin’s hand in lieu of flipping up his hood. “Asshole.”

Jaehwan is currently playing tug-of-war with a stick against Yoomi and the dog is definitely winning. As her favorite humans approach the fire she releases the stick in her jaws, sending poor Jaehwan careening backwards and to the ground in the process. With a small yip Yoomi rushes over to them, her long tongue hanging out so sloppily Jihoon wonders if mere proximity to Drunk Jaehwan is enough to to intoxicate a canine.

“Hey, I feel the same way about you...” With a truly wicked grin, Woojin drags out saying that he loves him in the name of stubbornness and comedy. For a brief moment Jihoon pretends to believe that he should never have accepted the first date from this little monster, but that’s just a huge lie. It makes more sense to touch Woojin than imagine a world where they weren’t together, so Jihoon just smacks him on the shoulder. That's a touch.

One of Woojin’s most attractive (top 10!) traits is the fact that he’ll play hard to get at nearly the same caliber Jihoon does, despite the fact that it’s never been hard to get each other at all. Jihoon thinks about snapping some witty retort, about countering with an equally stubborn cold shoulder. He picks neither option and ends up sighing loudly, matching the timbre of Jisung’s 'Long-Suffering Auntie' gag routine. “ _Words_ please.”

“Cardamom. Racketball. Syzygy.” Woojin starts just listing random words (that last one he learned traumatically from the 98 points Jihoon managed to wring from it during Scrabble last month. Jihoon isn’t surprised he remembered the word, but is _shocked_ that he pronounced it perfectly. Syzygy is a word Jihoon has said out loud 6 times over the course of his life, and has mispronounced it 4 of those times.)

“Jerk. Your owner is a jerk, Yoomi.” Jihoon assures the happy dog with a rough backscratch. Yoomi drops her hind down right next to him, leaning into his side and Jihoon feels blessed. He knows this dog better than practically anyone, but still feels borderline Chosen whenever she decides he’s better company than Woojin _—_ you know, her _owner._

Said owner is still saying whatever words pop into his head. “Band-aid. Stratonimbus. Hearteu.”

“I love you, _Park Yoomi_. I love you with everything that I am, _period_. Who the hell is Bark Poojin?”

Woojin snorts. “My stripper alias.”

It takes almost everything Jihoon has not to burst out laughing at this. “I thought we decided on Snagglepooj.”

“I never okayed that.”

Sad that he lost both a fight with and proximity to Yoomi, Jaehwan shuffles over to them with a twisted smile and a dark silver flask hanging in a sling around his neck. “Guanlin-ah told me you both need to play some serious catch up…” He lifts his flask away from his chest and shakes it lightly.

“Yah!” shouts Sungwoon drunkenly, jogging to catch up with Jaehwan from where he was sitting by the fire. “That’s my little cousin, you ingrate. At least give him something better than plastic bottle shit swill.”

Enter the middle cousin.

“Good priorities.” Woojin mutters under his breath, and Jihoon snorts in laughter before rolling his eyes and sighing resignedly.

Woojin rubs up and down Jihoon’s back once before hip-checking him lightly and leaving his side to start mingling with the others. Sungwoon approves of the couple but there isn’t much in common between he and Woojin. Plus, there are people here that Woojin is actually intimate friends with, some he hasn’t seen in awhile.

At first Jihoon thought it strange that he has not one but _two_ cousins in his immediate friend group, but it always ends up benefiting him. All three actually, if only for the fact that when in doubt, the cousins band together into a natural voting block. Jihoon really does like Sungwoon despite the age gap and truly empathizes with him running his mouth too much as a defense against his nerves. Jihoon learned how to improvise and endure from Jisung, but he learned how to win a fight from Sungwoon. There’s something of an _edge_ to the middle cousin, a struggle that cuts deeper than the chip on his shoulder.

Sungwoon became Daehwi’s vocal performance tutor half a year ago, connected through Jihoon’s endorsement. Also, there was a very interesting night involving too much tequila and tree-climbing where Sungwoon actually charmed a pair of beat cops into leaving the premises instead of arresting five underaged drunkards. Jihoon refers to Sungwoon as the scary cousin because he IS scary _—_ to anyone other than his family.

“Jihoonnie is a certifiable, legal adult.” Jaehwan declares, taking off the flask strap and handing the bottle out to Jihoon. “He might be the maknae of the power cousins, but he’s _—_ ”

“ _—_ still not going to drink anything this cheap.” Sungwoon ends, crossing his arms loosely in front of his chest.

Even before Jaehwan entered the fold Sungwoon has had something of a rivalry with him. There’s no doubt it’s exacerbated by the fact that they’re in the same a capella group, but the competition seems to make them both individually stronger and neither of them are stupid enough to have the other as an enemy. Jihoon doesn’t know if it's healthy or not, but he has heard them harmonize and could _feel_ them creating something greater than the sum of its parts.

“Wow, you really think poorly of me.” Jaehwan deadpans.

They’re actually friends (a _much_ better relationship than the weird tolerance between Woojin and Guanlin) and even though they bicker they respect each other wholeheartedly. In fact, they probably bicker _because_ they respect each other. Jaehwan is a relatively recent addition to the squad and Jihoon doesn’t have a full lock on him yet, but he did once spend a good 20 minutes just watching Jaehwan’s fingers flicker over a guitar fretboard as he lazily improvised. He also taught Jihoon how to properly shotgun a beer, so Jaehwan can stay.

Sungwoon laughs condescendingly. “Don’t be so dramatic. I think neutrally of you.”

 _Anything you can do, I can do better_. Jihoon sings in his mind. “I’ll take a swig, thanks Jaehwan-hyung.”

Jaehwan cackles and raises his arms in victory at the same time Sungwoon tutts and shakes his head. Their reactions are completely in sync but Jihoon isn’t stupid enough to point it out to them.

Taking the flask from Jaehwan, Jihoon shoots a shrug at his older cousin. “I can sip on your expensive stuff later, hyung. I know it’s better than _—_ ” he unscrews the flask and flinches when he takes a sniff. “Yeah, wow, _definitely_ better than this.”

With a large, obnoxious wink at Jaehwan, Jihoon takes a long draught from the flask, downing it but still unable to keep his Icky Booze Face in check. Both Sungwoon and Jaehwan laugh at him, finally on the same side for this brief moment in time.

“You should have listened to me, Jihoonnie.” Sungwoon shakes his head. “Well, I suppose I should try it, for posterity.”  

In a quick snap Sungwoon grabs the flask from Jihoon and raises it to his lips. It doesn’t go down well and Jihoon slips away from the singers as their temporary armistice crumbles and they start getting into it about quality versus quantity. This debate seems like it has far-reaching undertones that speak to whatever strange relationship they have, and Jihoon _really_ doesn’t want to stick his hand into that bear trap right now.

After being together for so long Jihoon has developed something of an unconscious lock on Woojin when they're in the same area, and he knows without needing to confirm that he’s most likely talking to Daniel at the fire. He has to actively search for Guanlin though, and is relieved to find him tackling consecutive tongue-twisters at the behest of Jisung and Daehwi at the picnic table. He’s not quite relaxed but he’s happy, flashing his gummy smile when he does well and laughing loudly.

In the end, Guanlin and Jihoon will probably both pretend the  _don't touch me_  barrel roll never happened. That seems to be the pattern between them. No wonder Woojin gets all huffy when he’s around.

Walking away from Jaehwan and Sungwoon, Jihoon makes eye contact with Woojin by the fire, sending him a quick, cheeky Air Smooch (Hwang Minhyun™). Jihoon skips over to the fire pit and takes a seat on the end of one of the logs doubling as a bench. After taking a moment to rearrange himself he ends up cross legged with his hands in his lap. Daniel sits directly across the fire from him, in the middle of a true catch up with Woojin in the neighboring chair _—_ it’s been awhile since they’ve seen each other since Daniel left their dance team a few months ago. Not for any ominous reason either, Daniel just ended up getting a job teaching dance at a high school and it demanded too much of his time.  

Jinyoung is in another chair next to Woojin, talking to Minhyun quietly with very sincere eyes. Undoubtedly Minhyun has a soft spot for the younger ones in their friend group, but Jinyoung is probably (definitely) his favorite. There’s one empty spot that separates Jihoon from the others seated around the fire _—_ old habits never die _—_ but Seongwoo fills this with a little _“Shaa!”_ as he hops over the log to plop neatly in between Minhyun and Jihoon. “Thanks for _finally_ showing up.”

Rolling his eyes, Jihoon makes eye contact with Woojin, currently in the middle of taking a swig from from Daehwi’s little plastic bottle of Fireball. _My bartender._ Jihoon mimes taking a shot with one hand and Woojin barks out a single laugh before capping the bottle and tossing it high above and over the fire. Cleanly, almost perfectly, Jihoon catches it with one hand and a wide grin.

Many things happen as soon as the bottle leaves Woojin’s hand. Daniel rises from his chair, shooting a horrified look back and forth between Jihoon and Woojin. Seongwoo almost slips off the log with his initial flailing response, rambling, “Oh my _god,_ you guys can’t just, shit, seriously you _don’t_ throw alcohol over a roaring fire...? Common sense, right? What the hell someone back me up here.”

“Extremely unsafe.” Minhyun backs him up simply, already half risen from his seat as if he meant to snatch the bottle out of the air. Interestingly, Jinyoung also rose at the same time but upon seeing Minhyun do it, he backed off and is now just glaring at Woojin.

 _Wow._  “Seriously?” Jihoon raises an eyebrow and laughs to himself before taking a long drink from the small bottle.

 _“Yah! Park Jihoon stop drinking my fire!”_ shouts Daehwi from all the way on the opposite side of camp.

“Seriously?” Jihoon repeats without acknowledging his younger friend. “There’s no way Woojin would mess up that toss.”

“And Jihoon’s like 8.5/10 in terms of catching things. That's better than... yeah, better than most of the people here.” Woojin chimes in, phaser set to support. Jihoon shoots him a conspiratorial smile only to find Woojin already targeting him with one. Yeah, they shouldn’t have done that, but they _did_ and it worked.

“Okay, nope. No. Too dangerous. You two clearly haven’t come to terms with your mortality yet, which is strange because Baejin over here is younger but _also_ aware that what you did was fucking idiotic. I always appreciate having you by my side Jihoonnie, but switch seats with Daniel _immediately_.” Seongwoo raises his hands in front of his chest before smoothly pointing with both hands across the fire. “Niel-ah, get up.”

With a laugh, Daniel rises and shrugs at Jihoon. “Let’s just not juggle flammables over the fire, okay?”

Fireball clasped in his hand, Jihoon rises from the log, rolling his eyes and shaking his head before beginning to walk around the fire. For his part, Daniel broke off his cheer for the split second they locked eyes in passing, shooting him a look that blurred the line between anger and worry.

 _Ah, they care a lot, don’t they._ Jihoon remembers, wincing after fully passing Daniel and taking his abandoned seat quietly. He’s next to Woojin now and hands him the Fireball with a little wince. “I guess we can play with fire, but not with flammables.”

Woojin chuckles to himself and leans in Jihoon’s direction. Unscrewing the liquor cap, he takes a quick pull of it and shudders. “I have to say, I haven’t had Fireball in two years but I remember it tasting much better than this.”

Chuckling unattractively, Jihoon scooches his chair closer to Woojin’s, close enough for them to share a doubled armrest between them. “What, you don’t like the poisonous, liquid form of Hot Tamales?”

“No, fuck, not at all. Especially when you describe it like that.”

Sungwoon and Jaehwan have ceased their little scuffle and take a seat next to each other on the unoccupied log bench. They’re laughing about someone the rest of the present company doesn't know and Jihoon smiles to himself. _They need each other, don’t they._

“Where’s Yoomi?” Jihoon asks after a quiet moment.

Without a second’s hesitation Woojin sticks his thumb and forefinger between his lips and whistles shrilly. They hear her collar tags clinking before actually seeing her, trotting over to them lazily from behind. She waits for a pet from Woojin before walking in front of the pair of them and laying down right at both of their feet.

“I did steal your dog, didn’t I?” Jihoon mutters, suddenly remembering their second meeting.

It takes a few moments but Woojin’s eyes light up when he realizes exactly what Jihoon is referring to. His giddy grin drips down into something soft and sincere. “Beer, dog, heart, whatever. You’re quite the thief.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this to you,” Jihoon starts, shaking his head and taking a swig of Fireball before continuing. “But better words please.”

Jihoon knows he has to give Woojin the time he needs, just as Woojin gives him the space _he_ needs. Right now that time is about two full seconds.

“I’m stupidly in love with you too. How’s that?” Woojin mutters, shaking his hair into his eyes, embarrassed at saying this in the proximity of other people.

And there it is. They both know how the other feels but Jihoon still likes descriptions and definitions, likes to hear the words. He smiles softly, as though tired from all it took to wring that from Woojin’s lips.

“Love you.” Woojin repeats deeply, stealing a quick kiss before pulling away with a shitty grin.

So, naturally, Jihoon’s rebuttal is quickly ttakbaming the bare skin of Woojin's forearm. Then he gives him a sweet peck on the reddening point of impact.

Below them, Yoomi huffs. Her owners are idiots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should have been in yoomi's pov this whole time what was i thinking
> 
> thank you to all, and to all a two park.
> 
> there will be a part threee


End file.
